January Warrior – Lucy

January Warrior – Lucy

Welcome to my January Warrior of the Month post! Unfortunately due to some busy schedules and technical difficulties, Lucy’s post had to be pushed back from December. But here we go! This gorgeous lady and I met on Instagram when I reached out to her after reading some of her posts about mental illness. I asked her if she would like to participate in Warrior of the Month and she gladly said yes! Read what she had to say below:

When your mental health makes you non-neurotypical, it can be easy to count your problems rather than your blessings. I could write today about how some days I can’t face the world, let alone getting dressed or showering. I could write about how being non-verbal for hours is sometimes the only way I can cope with the dark void in my head. I still have issues with food, trying to gain control over my wildly fluctuating body image through restriction. I spend at least 10 hours a day panicking about the reasons why people must hate me, how I’ll be left all alone one day and how none of it really matters anyway. Some days, I’m not even sure that I exist.

So, onto the blessings. I have come to realise that my life is an intricate web of wonderful people (even if some days I can’t believe I inflict myself upon them).

The first blessing is medical. I am currently diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have been considered for a few things, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. I’m still waiting for the medical shoe that ‘fits’ for me. I have boundless love for the NHS, my mental health nurse who I see regularly, as well as the doctor I have found who finally (!) takes me seriously. I have found the beauty of ignoring pill-shamers and the ‘just-get-over-it-ers’.

Secondly, my family who do their very best to understand what is going on with me, even when I’m not sure I know myself. It’s recently become so very real for me that not everyone can rely on their blood family, but family is found in the strangest of places. Parents (thank you to both of mine for always, always being on my side), siblings, cousins, great-step-aunts (who don’t like being reminded of the ‘great’ so much!), grandparents and the rest. There’s also your ‘found family’: those you meet along the way, maybe in a place you weren’t even sure you were going to go to, and yet they stay for the journey. Maybe you end up taking on the world together. Never discount them. They are incredibly special. I have certainly found that in my partner, who will always be one of my biggest cheerleaders.

That brings me onto friends. I am a perpetually lonely person. Even in the biggest room full of people, I will feel alone. However, I have been lucky to find certain golden people in this world who shake me out of that feeling, even for an hour or two, and for that I am forever grateful.

The final blessing is you. You are here. You are strong. You have fought through every single bad moment, day, week, month, year. You are still standing and about to make it into 2019.

This holiday season, please remember your blessings. In the dark depths of mental health disorders, when everyone else is smiling for the camera, it is so easy to lose your grip on those shining reasons to stay alive. Remember that winter cannot last forever. Even if there is one thing that makes you feel good, stick with it. Your sunshine will be back soon.

  • Lucy

 

Wow girl, it amazes me how positive your writing is and how you continue to look at the good in life. I aspire to be just like that as well. You are so brave and thank you for sharing your point of view with my readers.

Until next time…

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